Lady Arabella Snark
Lady Arabella Snark, Honorary Chair of IYBD 2009

An Interview with Lady Snark

In which the authoress of The Perfect Insult for Every Occasion dispenses thoughtful advice for cubicle dwellers.

Question: When should I start thinking of what to say?

Lady Snark: The sooner the better—don’t wait until the last minute. You should always plan ahead, just as you would for a vacation or a bank robbery.

IYBD 2009 is Wednesday, July 29!

Question: Wouldn’t it be better to work through feelings of anger in one of those touchy-feely stress management programs?

Lady Snark: Why waste your time on meditation when you can gain instant inner peace by humiliating your boss in front of an important client?

Question: If someone has an awful job, isn’t insulting the boss going to make it worse?

Lady Snark: Don’t let fear of retributions stop you from speaking your mind. If you’re already in the ninth circle of hell, what harm could it do to throw a little gasoline on the fire?

Question: You don’t seem to have a job yourself. Would you consider working in an office?

Lady Snark: If I had to work for a living, I think I would prefer a more solitary career, such as being a hit man. Assassins, after all, are never tormented with a hundred nearly identical pictures of Sue’s baby being licked on the mouth by a worm-ridden puppy, nor must they suffer the noxious “silent but deadly” farts of Jim in the next cubicle.

Question: If work is so terrible, why do you think people do it?

Lady Snark: I always assumed people took office jobs to avoid spending time with their families.

Question: Henry David Thoreau said that most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Don’t you think that’s just the way things are?

Lady Snark: My dear, it may be true that the mass of employees lead lives of quiet desperation, but loud desperation is much more fun. I imagine that’s why Thoreau didn’t have a job.